shattered glass


Considerably early this morning, some senile old guy at the Albertson's
in Salt Lake City decided that giving me bogus directions to the freeway
was on his to-do list for today.
Driving around, utterly lost, in the dark on slippery,
snowy roads at 6:30 in the morning?
Not cool.

I want to share some things with you that I have learned in my life that may subsequently help you out with yours.

One: Just because a sliding glass door looks like it's open, does not necessarily mean that it is.
Windex. works. wonders. Approach with caution

-How I learned this: Once upon a time, my good friend Austin Woodchip(field) was having a pre-mish going away party at his house. I'd been waiting all night long for a friend to get there. Simply put, I heard that said friend had arrived and excitedly ran to greet said friend at the door when BANNNNNGGGG!!<-------forehead-on-glass-onomatopoeia. I can really sympathize with those birds that run into my window everyday down at SUU.

Two: Never let an eight-year old cook her own dinner.
I don't care if eight is the "age of accountability" or not.
I wasn't even tall enough to see over the stove. That tells you something.

-How I learned this: A box of mac & cheese is a lot for a girl, so I saved it for the next day. When I took it out of the fridge, it was too cold to eat so I simply put some tinfoil over the container and warmed it up via microwave. Pretty much it was the 4th of July in the kitchen.

Three: When baking, remember that there is a difference between baking POWDER and baking SODA.
If you do happen to mix the two up, please take notice before giving away the finished product.

-How I learned this: pretty self explanatory. Someone did something nice for me, I wanted to give thanks....
they never did anything nice for me again.

Four: When getting into water, do so slowly.

-How I learned this: After snowboarding, I turned on the shower so it could start warming up and then went back to my room to get some clean clothes. Then I just stepped right in without testing it first. Yeah. Guess I didn't turn it on very warm. Pretty sure it was only three degrees.

Five: Common-sense, but I'll reiterate. do NOT wear Old Navy flip-flops on a rainy day, especially when walking on cement.

-How I learned this: As much as I hate to recall this traumatizing story, I shall share for your guys' benefit. On a date. Cute boy. New jacket. Middle of winter. rain. new car. hot chocolate. Boy: opens car door. Kalynn: hydroplanes on Old Navy ruber-ness; spills over new jacket; spills over boy's new car. Hot. Burns. Hot. Ouch.

I hope that helps.
Kalynn Eve.


  1. oweeee. when did that last one happen?! kay, oww. sorry, lady!

  2. Dear Kay.
    I like you. Therefore, we must play this break. Mmkay?