2017 SO FAR

"A positive mind finds opportunity in everything. 

A negative mind finds faults in everything."

I never blogged about this day trip I took to Capitol Reef back in February with two of my girlfriends. I remember how badly I needed a day like this at the time. I remember feeling (as dramatic as it sounds) like I needed it in the same way I need water and oxygen to survive. 

This morning my friend Rachel and I were talking about how good life is right now, and we were laughing as we paralleled our current circumstances with how life seemed to be going at the beginning of the year. Mid-December of last year brought the end of the worst relationship I have ever, or will ever, be in, and the effects of that relationship lasted well into the new year. At the time, I refused to even really speak to anyone aside from Rachel about it, because I was just too embarrassed that I had permitted myself to endure through someone treating me the way this guy did. It continued to cause problems for a few months as I tried to get back into dating. I couldn't bring myself to trust guys, but even more so, I couldn't bring myself to trust myself. Haha, it sounds so dumb now, but I was seriously struggling to make any sort of decision! And I was struggling to feel happiness, which is something I had never experienced before. Rachel was going through something similar, but on a different level, and her situation ended up with a called-off engagement. 

Anyway, come late February, we needed a road trip, a day out in the mountains, fresh air, and good company. So to Capitol Reef it was!

I came home from that trip and promised myself that things were going to change. March and April were months that brought a lot of introspection. I tried new things and purposely challenged myself as much as I could. I think I learned more about myself during those two months than I had over the last couple of years! I began to feel independent and strong. 

It felt good to be able to talk to Rachel today about how happy we are now. It felt good that being happy is what feels more familiar than not. It feels good that, like the quote above states, I can make an opportunity out of anything that comes my way. It feels good that I'm not happy just because life is suddenly perfect, 'cause it's not. Yes, I am having a fun, easygoing summer. Yes, I am dating the most perfect (and attractive) human ever. No, I don't really have any big worries right now. But I just think of my worst days, like the day my dad passed away, and how even on that awful, terrible day... I most definitely had happy moments.

So, I guess all I'm trying to say is, it's barely halfway through the year, and it's already been simultaneously the best and the worst year. 

A book that Jake's mom gave me after my dad passed away sums it up pretty perfectly:

"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal."  

-C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

And vice versa.