It's Friday the 13th.

Since I am all-wise-and-knowing {end sarcasm} I am going to give you some advice.

13 THINGS NOT TO DO:

1: Overlook the words "DO NOT MICROWAVE: contains raw poultry" on your cordon bleu. Unless you happen to have frozen corn dogs on back up. Those CAN be microwaved.

2: Watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One right before you go to bed; hence why I was skyping the boyfriend out of fear at 2:30 in the morning.

3: procrastinate school advising. Turns out that a lot of popular classes get taken early. Go figure.

4: Play twirl-a-whirl (a game where you just spin as fast as you can and try not to run into anything) in your boyfriends living room. Especially if there is a banister nearby. Result = head-to-banister in unfavorable fashion.

5: Accidentally send a text to your ex-boyfriend. One meant for your best friend saying, "I miss you and I'm grateful for you in my life." uhwellthatwasdumb. Luckily, he's on a mission and didn't receive that text. Yours may not be.

6: Fall asleep whilst skyping your boyfriend in the middle of the night with your computer too close. You may roll over onto it and somehow turn it off, resulting in an offended boyfriend. "babe, i promise you weren't snoring..."

7: Fall asleep with a Twix candy bar in your hand. This just means your obese; there's no way around that.

8: Use your scriptures as a pillow. They aren't comfortable. They make your face sweaty. And you get colorful markings on your nose, and they leave scar-like indents on your face; neither of which will come off in time for work. Classy, Kay. I know.

9: Tell everyone you hate your job before you find out that you get a $10.00 gift card every week, just for doing your job. People will think you hate freebies, and you'll never be given anything again. (results not proven.)

10: Go onto Urban Outfitters' website when you are broke. You will fall in love with everything you see and you will obsess over it, even when it was over 13 hours ago. Hmmmph.

11: Buy $300 Spanish books that your professor says will be discontinued the next year. The bookstore will not buy them back from you, and you will lose a lot of money.

12: Sneeze with your eyes open. Yur eyeballz will fall owt. That is...le bad. chirp chirp.

13: Go to bed without going potty. You can't sleep, and you become too lazy to get up and go midway through the night. So you lay in bed and cringe, hoping it will pass. It doesn't. And your bladder explodes. Kaboom. Gross. That. or you pee your pants. Or you just eventually get up and go and cry because you've wasted so much time being lazy when you could have been sleeping. 

There ya go. You're welcome.

Love, Kay.