"A positive mind finds opportunity in everything. 

A negative mind finds faults in everything."

I never blogged about this day trip I took to Capitol Reef back in February with two of my girlfriends. I remember how badly I needed a day like this at the time. I remember feeling (as dramatic as it sounds) like I needed it in the same way I need water and oxygen to survive. 

This morning my friend Rachel and I were talking about how good life is right now, and we were laughing as we paralleled our current circumstances with how life seemed to be going at the beginning of the year. Mid-December of last year brought the end of the worst relationship I have ever, or will ever, be in, and the effects of that relationship lasted well into the new year. At the time, I refused to even really speak to anyone aside from Rachel about it, because I was just too embarrassed that I had permitted myself to endure through someone treating me the way this guy did. It continued to cause problems for a few months as I tried to get back into dating. I couldn't bring myself to trust guys, but even more so, I couldn't bring myself to trust myself. Haha, it sounds so dumb now, but I was seriously struggling to make any sort of decision! And I was struggling to feel happiness, which is something I had never experienced before. Rachel was going through something similar, but on a different level, and her situation ended up with a called-off engagement. 

Anyway, come late February, we needed a road trip, a day out in the mountains, fresh air, and good company. So to Capitol Reef it was!

I came home from that trip and promised myself that things were going to change. March and April were months that brought a lot of introspection. I tried new things and purposely challenged myself as much as I could. I think I learned more about myself during those two months than I had over the last couple of years! I began to feel independent and strong. 

It felt good to be able to talk to Rachel today about how happy we are now. It felt good that being happy is what feels more familiar than not. It feels good that, like the quote above states, I can make an opportunity out of anything that comes my way. It feels good that I'm not happy just because life is suddenly perfect, 'cause it's not. Yes, I am having a fun, easygoing summer. Yes, I am dating the most perfect (and attractive) human ever. No, I don't really have any big worries right now. But I just think of my worst days, like the day my dad passed away, and how even on that awful, terrible day... I most definitely had happy moments.

So, I guess all I'm trying to say is, it's barely halfway through the year, and it's already been simultaneously the best and the worst year. 

A book that Jake's mom gave me after my dad passed away sums it up pretty perfectly:

"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal."  

-C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

And vice versa. 

ST. GEORGE + TENDER MERCIES

   

This winter weather has really been getting to me lately, so this past weekend I decided to take a trip down to St. George to visit my sister and her cute family! Being among the red rocks that I'm obsessed with and people that I love so much was exactly what I needed. We played outside at the park, wrapped up in blankets and played the worm game, and ate all the bad food that fit in our stomachs. I never feel more at home than when I'm in St. George. There's no better place.

I've been thinking a lot lately about tender mercies. I don't know how else to put it, so I'll just say that life has been a little bit...weird...for me lately. And I found myself in the position where I really needed to start looking for those tender mercies in my life. But I have to tell you, when I started looking, they were everywhere! I think I had been inadvertently ignoring the many small good things happening for me and going on all around me. 

While I murmur about this stuff I've been calling my "quarter-life crisis," (haha, drama queen over heeeeree) 

I really can't complain. 

I love life. I love my family. I love my friends. 

When I say "I'm 'working'," it means I'm either taking videos or editing them, and that means I'm really lucky. 

Maybe there are many places (geographically + situationally speaking) that I'd rather be right now, 

but I do know that the future is bright, and the things I'm learning right now will take me far in life. 

Patience, young Padawan. 

(Star Wars marathon, anyone??)

TIRE POPS + CANYON WALKS

 I am SO happy that it's finally Friday. This has been such a weird week! And I'm convinced that it's all because of how my Monday started out. It was a normal day, in that I woke up wanting to head up the canyon! I love it up there. I decided to go look for a location that a couple had told me they wanted to shoot at. So, I get in my car and head out. I drove up the AF side of the canyon and continued up near Tibble Fork. Right after you pass Tibble Fork, if you keep to the right, it turns into a pretty rocky road, but it's most likely fine IF your tires are good. Apparently mine weren't, because after about 2 miles past Tibble Fork, POP goes a tire. I literally just felt the front driver side of my car sink all of the sudden. So I pull over to the side of the road to assess my situation. I wasn't going to be able to go anywhere with my tire like that. I had never changed a tire by myself before, and even if I felt 100% confident that I could do it, I had never needed to change a tire on my Xterra yet, and couldn't find where the tools were located in that car. (Insert that monkey covering his eyes emoji here. Talk about not being prepared!) I had no cell service, but that didn't stop me from trying to call my mom 4 times, haha! I hadn't seen anyone on that road while I had been up there--what! on a Monday afternoon late in the season??...--so I decided to start walking out, figuring I'd come across someone eventually. I was so wrong though! The ONLY people I came across before getting to the part of the canyon where it splits between Tibble Fork and the Alpine Loop were construction workers, but I just didn't feel comfortable asking them for help because they were already working hard! So I kept on walking, haha. It wasn't a bad walk, if I'm being honest. I mean, I was in the beautiful canyon after all! The weather was perfect for a situation like that, because it wasn't too hot, and it wasn't too cold. It was simply a really long walk that I hadn't planned on taking that day. AND...I kept thinking about all the women that get murdered and raped while walking alone in canyons, and seriously freaking myself out a couple times. At one point I even could've sworn I saw a man coming out from behind the trees! Haha. Finally, about a mile or two from the mouth of the canyon, a guy in a truck pulls over and says he's working in the canyon, he's passed me 4-5 times, and asks if I'm walking for pleasure or if I need a ride somewhere. I'll never recommend taking a ride from a stranger to anyone, but I definitely took the ride in this situation! haha! Luckily, it ended up being a really nice dude, and I only stayed in his car until I got cell service, and had him drop me off there.

---Long story made a little shorter, I was finally able to reach my mom, she picked me up, we taught ourselves how to change a tire (!!!), and I was able to finally drive out of the canyon. The situation put me in a weird funk for the rest of the day; I just hate having such a lack of control over my situation. However, now I know how to change a tire all by myself, and I'll never be in that situation again. :)

Everyone be prepared and play it safe this weekend! :)

National Lucky Penny Day

Lucky Penny from Kalynn Petersen on Vimeo.

For the past few days, I've been down in St. George watching my nieces and nephews. I love these kids, but man, they can be challenging! Haha.

Today was a crazy one. First, the car battery died. Second, I somehow locked myself out of the house with my one year old niece and four year old nephew, right when it was supposed to be the baby's nap time, smack dab in the heat of the St. George day. It was so stressful! I had no idea what to do. I was so glad I had that four year old with me though. It's funny how just yesterday he got so worked up about me putting his bread in the "wrong" toaster slot, that he threw a tantrum and started bawling and throwing things, yet while we were locked out of the house and sweaty and exhausted, he kept smiling and saying, "I'm sure we'll find a way in!" Which we did. Isn't it funny how differently children and adults think? I'm over here like, "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH SLOT YOUR BREAD GOES IN." And he's probably wondering why I'm stressing so much about being locked out for a bit.

After that, though, we needed to turn our day around. So we went to ride the carousel downtown, and I stashed some lucky pennies--heads up-- for the kids to find. It's National Lucky Penny Day, after all! We made wishes on our lucky pennies, threw them in a penny fountain, and then left some lucky pennies for others to find.

It's days like today that make you think about how lucky you really are though. I'm lucky to have friends who would stop by to help jump the car. I'm lucky to be able to hang out with my nieces and nephews for a week and a half. I'm lucky to be able to call my mom whenever I need an adult to talk to.

Guess I'll be able to fall asleep tonight counting my lucky pennies.

Self-Image

I'm 100% a sunshine kind of girl, but these last couple of days have been perfectly rainy. 
I just love what rain does to the colors of the world.

You wanna know what crazy thing I did last week? I quit my day-job. (Insert hands-to-cheeks-with-mouth-open-wide/the classic face of Kevin from Home Alone here.) Really, this is crazy!! If you know me at all, you know I've relied on a full time job for the past 5 years. And there's a lot that goes into the reasons why, but I'm taking it as a major opportunity. Over the past couple of years, I've been dabbling with videography, and I've just loved it. Ever since I shot my first wedding, I've had a small-but-steady flow of jobs come from it, but I've always, always wanted to do more with it. I always held a full time job and never really had the time/energy to put more into it, though, and lately that's been getting to me. Even while I was doing work that related, it wasn't the same as being able to take on projects that are my own. 

I thought leaving my last job would bring a lot of fear and anxiety, but you know what I've been thinking since I made this move? 
Why didn't I do this years ago??!

And I'll tell you why. I've never really been one to care what others think of me, but I never really thought much about what I thought of myself either. Does that make sense? It's what I titled this post. Self-image. You know, that internalized war you fight with yourself on a daily basis. The war of which the outcome determines how you act, how you treat others, and how you treat yourself. Isn't is ironic that the casualty is also the assailant? Yet we make the conscious effort to lose more often than we allow ourselves to win! I'm guilty of this. We all are. 

One thing I LOVE about the gospel is that we're constantly taught how we're perfectly imperfect. And one day I will truly come to realize the validity of that statement. And you should too.

You're beautiful if you let yourself be beautiful.
You're kind if you let yourself be kind.
You're creative if you let yourself be creative.
You're a great videographer if you let yourself be a great videographer.

You with me? Amiright??

Personal Statement.

I'm full of contradictions, but contradict that theory often. I go to work, but prefer to make videos. I prioritize my life, yet sometimes make unpredicted things a priority. I expect consistency, but consistently expect change. I spend too much time on meaningless things, yet never neglect the things that mean so much. I surmount obstacles, but sometimes obstacles surmount my motivation. 

My plans are flawed, but I know the plan for me is flawless. 

Last night was really perfect for me. My roommate, Cami, and I asked our guy friends to build us a fire, and pretty soon it turned into 20 of us laughing over s'mores and roasted starbursts. There are some really good people out there. 

And I'm really lucky, cause I've got them right here. 

#grateful

10 things I've learned lately.

1: Laughing is most definitely my favorite thing in the whole world.

2: I can be productive. It is possible!

3: Go with the gut. Say yes to fun.

4: I'm ready for some change.

5: Just give in and go with it sometimes.

6: And sometimes, saying no is totally necessary, and entirely worth it.

7: Some relationships will never change, no matter how long it's been since you've seen each other.

8: Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

9: Make work into play.

10: All of my roommates pee in the shower. Do you guys do this?! Because, gross. 

Happy little life.

    

There is a lot going on in my little life right now. There are a lot of possible direction changes that I am not completely sure I have any control over. Usually this lack of control causes me to be a little anxious, however I have tried to remain pretty cool and content through it all. There are times that my mind goes to a weird place when I get too worried about decisions I might have to make, but in the deepest part of me there is a confidence calming me and letting me know it will all be okay. I just know something great is in store for me at this fork in the road, and I am just drinking in all of the opportunity. I know still that I have amazing people in my life that will not let me down. There are people like all of you that are always smiling at me! (Thank you!!) Not everything going on is worth smiling about, but we smile because we can! I feel so inspired by it. I'm constantly laughing, and I just can't stop. And more importantly, I feel that for the first time in a long time, I know I have my own back. I am more determined than ever to make it. And for all of this, I am immensely grateful.

Maybe deep down my anxiety is frantically flirting will all my worry, but I wouldn't know, because up here I cannot get my head out of the happy clouds or wipe the smile off my face.

Yesterday I saw a sunflower sticking up out of the snow. Doesn't that itself just make you so happy?

Happiness.

While I still care about Matthew as much as I think is possible, let me tell you why dating someone for two whole years before they leave on a mission is one of the stupidest things I've ever done.

Sometimes the advice and words of family and prophets is given because they can see the future consequences when I cannot. Being together with Matthew was the best time of my life, and I don't regret a single minute; I just wish I would have done it differently. I didn't see anything wrong with us being together because it just felt so good. But you can't really prepare yourself for how you're going to feel when someone you've spent every day with for two years, just ups and leaves for the next two years. I was sulky and selfish, and I focused a lot on what I DIDN'T have. I seemed to only notice things I was missing out on. I was lonely and picky about who I let console me. And I was so busy being like that, that I couldn't even see all the trillions of blessings right in front of my face. Matthew has been gone for about 7 and a half months now, but I feel like I've learned more in the past couple of weeks than I have his entire mission so far. It's kind of like I woke up one day and finally saw how much I have. And that in itself is such a blessing. 

My really good friend Mike Stanley got home from his mission a couple weeks ago, and him and his family came to visit my family last night.  Between games, Mike, his brother Ben, and their dad Dave went over to the piano and started singing, and pretty soon my brothers and my dad joined in. It reminded me so much of when I was younger and my family would just sing around the piano for hours. Those guys just belting out "Hey Jude," "Let It Be," and "Hallelujah"...It was one of the happiest moments of my life and such a perfect reminder of how blessed I am. I'm so grateful to have such talented, fun, loving people in my life. I'm grateful for good, lifelong friends like the Stanley's. And especially at this time of year, I'm grateful for a loving Redeemer so that I can enjoy these blessings on Earth with the peace of knowing that I don't have to leave them behind when I leave Earth. 

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope it'll be as happy for you as it has been for me. And if it hasn't been yet, then I invite you to LOOK for the blessings around you; I guarantee you'll find them, and they will make you so, so happy.

10 things I learned this weekend.

1: I find it hard to listen to anything but Frank Sinatra.
2: I feel better when my room is clean.
3: And cleaning is rejuvenating. 
4: I'm not really shy- I'm just an observer.
5: I'm ready to feel needed again.
6: Taking responsibility pushes me to do and be better.
7: Breakfast At Tiffany's (the movie, not the song) will never, ever get old and will always be my favorite.
8: And Moon River is my favorite song right now.
9: Long solo drives are like meditation for me.
10: I'm a wreck. 

Please just be genuine.

Can I tell you something?

Within the past couple of months, I've really learned how much I appreciate the company and friendship of people who are genuine. 

I think it's a shame that many of those people don't realize the impact that their Spirits have on the rest of us. It's times like these for me, when times are a lot different than they've ever been, that you find out who your true friends are, and the kind of people you want, and need, to be better friends with. 

Please, click around and allow yourself to be inspired by a few of my favorite genuines and friends, and let your heart feel cozy.

Laura. For being younger than me, but knowing and understanding so much more about the important things in life than I do. Every.single.time I talk to this girl, or read one of her blog posts, or see a candid picture of her even, I gain a deeper understanding of how beautiful the world can be, if you so choose to allow it to be. This girl has her head on dang straight. She knows exactly what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. ALSO, just when you need comforting words the most, she will tell you that she prays for you, remind you that you are strong and that you know yourself well enough to know what you can do. And the thing is. I don't doubt a single word of it when it comes from Laura Cottrell. She holds true to the meaning of genuine in every way.

Krista. I can't even tell you how excited I was when Matthew told me that one of his best friends Drew (who was still on his mission at the time) was writing our friend J-Salt's little sister. Why was I so excited? Because Matthew wants to live by Drew for the rest of his life, and if that's the case, I could tottttally handle hanging out with this girl while those boys do boy stuff during the next 50 years. She's incredibly beautiful inside and out. Just even take a glance at her Facebook page and you'll be able to tell that she is REAL. real, real, real. love it.

Robin. (Not that you're going to find an updated blog post from her...) but still. I can't even begin to tell you what this girl has meant to me throughout the years, and especially lately. She was one of my first friends after moving from St. George, and our friendship has just grown ever since. But she waited for her missionary (who just got home a couple of weeks ago!) and going through the same thing at the same time was so awesome. The day Matthew left, do you want to know who was there first thing, Kleenex, magazines, and Gossip Girl in hand? Robin. Who doesn't care if I randomly start crying while we're hanging out? Robin. Whose there to go see all the new movies with me? Robin. I'm not even kidding you guys. Friendship at it's finest. She is one of the few friends in life that cares no matter what. 

And real quick, because this is getting so long: 

Mikelle Pyne, for texting me and checking up on me all the time.

Ashley Remund, for still being my long distance best friend, even after all these years, and for rooting for me and Matthew like no other.

And of course, my whole entire family for being my very best friends in the world. But that goes without saying...

Oh, you guys. Being genuine is so important. People can tell, you know, whether you're genuine or not; whether you TRULY care about them or not. It's about being a good friend, even when it might not be the most convenient time. It's sometimes about sacrifice. Visiting your friend, just because you know they need a pick-me-up. I can't tell you how much of this special kind of friendship I've seen from people that I didn't even expect it from, and honestly how little from friends I thought I was closer with. Be a better friend tomorrow than you were today. Be more real. Inspire people. Just do it. I love these people, and so many more who are so supportive every single day. 

I mean... you know? It's HUGE.

p.s. In case you were wondering, Matthew is doing great on his mission. :) I declare him the best missionary out there! He was just made a trainer on his 3rd transfer and he says he's learning so much. And he's almost to his 6 month mark!! He may or may not have approx. 568 days left....

p.p.s I'm wanting to make more videos like crazy, plus I'd really like to build my portfolio! If you would like a complimentary video shoot with your lover, your family, promotional video for your business, a documentary on your Grandpa, anything. You just let me know. Hit me up. like now. Go. Ok.

Let's make lemonade.

Coldplay

I'll be honest. When Matthew left on his mission, it was harder for me than I like to admit.

( I know. I talk about him toooo much.)

So, when I decided to move to Logan, I believed something magical would happen.

And at first, it actually was kind of magical.

Logan became my very own place where not EVERYTHING reminded me that Matthew was gone.

(I know, that's pretty selfish of me...but it's how I thought.)

Not only that, but living with my big sister, who I look up to enormously, is pretty much the funnest thing I've ever done and the best decision I've ever made.

But then, USU wasn't the answer I thought it was going to be, and my job became less than bearable. 

Now I kind of feel worried that, because of stupid desperation and anxiety, I've landed myself somewhere where I'm maybe not meant to be.

Maybe it's not that...but like...has anyone else been to 4 universities and not been able to mesh with any of them? haha.

Oh, it's pathetic.

Luckily, until I figure out the best thing for me to do, I still have my camera, my family, and especially that brilliant sister of mine I mentioned before for comfort and advice.

And Coldplay. I still have Coldplay.

Tell me. What do you guys do with the lemons life throws at you? How do you make lemonade?

5 not-so-secret secrets.

1: I miss my dear friend Abigail. 

2: I'm learning to play guitar.

3: I miss Matthew more than words can describe.

4: I am weak, but learning to get stronger.

5: I am moving to Logan in a week from tomorrow.

All of which are because God has a plan for me, and he wants me to learn and grow, and he knows that I can't do that without getting out of my comfort zone. It's crazy how quickly an invite from a sister, that would never beforehand even be considered an option, can turn into the most needed, sought after adventure that the entire Earth pushes you toward. 

Obstacles are demolished, dislikes and fears are overcome. And it feels so good to finally be on the right path.

p.s. I'm sorry I've become so bad at blogging. I promise to keep you in the loop once I make my move. 

More to come. 

10 things I learned this weekend

1: I am not a very patient person. (4 more days until I get to see Matthew...)
2: Not having to work for an entire week and a half is soooo nice.
3: I miss going to school. Online classes aren't the same. Am I crazy?
4: Keeping a journal is the best habit. I'll never be upset if I record a seemingly boring day, but I'll always regret not writing about the best days. 
5: St. George rain will forever be better than American Fork rain.
6: I really really miss Matt Finn.
7: FatBooth is a reallllly fun app. Let's just say...you would not want to see what I would look like 100 pounds heavier.
8: Happy people are the best people to be around. 
9: I need to learn to be more selfless.
10: I do want to travel, but only if it's with people I love.

How was your weekend? Did you learn anything new?

Come listen to the prophet's voice.

Lately, I stress and I fuss more than usual. (which was already a lot)

I stress that I'm taking meaningless classes. I stress that Matthew is leaving soon, and I've stupidly made him my only friend. I fuss because my body aches, without quitting, and it's so weird because I feel pain in three different places in my fingers, which just tells you how much it hurts everywhere else. Is there such thing as rapid-onset-full-body-arthritis? Or is my job just getting to me?

Luckily, I know the best, nay, the one and only, hiding spot from all of these things. And today is YOUR lucky day, because I am letting you in on my secret hiding spot.

What you'll need:

a comfortable place to sit or lay

earphones

a smart phone or laptop with internet

and lds.org

When I've made all the calls that I need to for the day at work, I put my earphones in, and I turn on the General Authorities. I sometimes sit at my desk for 6 hours, typing up applications while listening to the beautiful, peaceful, hopeful words from God through his servants. At my own little desk, in my own little world, I laugh, I cry, and I smile along with the prophets of our Heavenly Father. And then I realize:

I don't need to rush through college, despite what everyone else says. Matthew is going to be the best missionary in the world, and writing him is going to be a wonderful learning, (and romantic) experience for me. And my body aches (most likely) are not permanent.

I'm not gonna lie, every talk is absolute perfection; but some were meant especially for me, exactly where I am at this point in my life. And since so many of you are in the same point of life as me, I'll give you my favorites. I invite you to feel peace.

 We are the Greatest Generation

                                L. Tom Perry

Give us This Day our Daily Bread

                                          D. Todd Christofferson

The Holy Temple-A Beacon to the World

                                  Thomas S. Monson

Face the Future with Faith

                                  Russell M. Nelson

Desire

                         Dallin H. Oaks

Your Potential, Your Privilege

                                   Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Guardians of Virtue

                             Elaine S. Dalton

Coming to Know

                             Rosemary Wixom