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6.12.2017

THE DAY MY DAD PASSED AWAY


May 29th, 2017: My heart is extremely heavy. My dad passed away this morning at exactly 11:00 a.m. There is so much that happened that is too personal and sacred to share here, but it was an experience that forever changed my life. After hospice care took his body away, I went into his closet and put on one of his suit jackets; it smelled just like him. Wearing that jacket, I laid down on the floor of his closet, turned the Angel Lullaby song on on repeat, and cried myself to sleep. I can't imagine what life without my dad there will be like. At the same time though, I know he's not really gone and will be with me now more than ever. 

The weight of this trial feels so heavy. I can't seem to shake it. The kids can all sense the sadness in the house. Every time Ryeson sees me, he comes up to me, gives me a hug and says, "He was the best grandpa." And he just continues to hug me and follow me around. My heart is so sad, it aches more than I thought possible. But this 4 year old helps me understand Heaven a little better, and for that I am extremely grateful. 
I love you always, always, always papa.

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