While I still care about Matthew as much as I think is possible, let me tell you why dating someone for two whole years before they leave on a mission is one of the stupidest things I've ever done.

Sometimes the advice and words of family and prophets is given because they can see the future consequences when I cannot. Being together with Matthew was the best time of my life, and I don't regret a single minute; I just wish I would have done it differently. I didn't see anything wrong with us being together because it just felt so good. But you can't really prepare yourself for how you're going to feel when someone you've spent every day with for two years, just ups and leaves for the next two years. I was sulky and selfish, and I focused a lot on what I DIDN'T have. I seemed to only notice things I was missing out on. I was lonely and picky about who I let console me. And I was so busy being like that, that I couldn't even see all the trillions of blessings right in front of my face. Matthew has been gone for about 7 and a half months now, but I feel like I've learned more in the past couple of weeks than I have his entire mission so far. It's kind of like I woke up one day and finally saw how much I have. And that in itself is such a blessing. 

My really good friend Mike Stanley got home from his mission a couple weeks ago, and him and his family came to visit my family last night.  Between games, Mike, his brother Ben, and their dad Dave went over to the piano and started singing, and pretty soon my brothers and my dad joined in. It reminded me so much of when I was younger and my family would just sing around the piano for hours. Those guys just belting out "Hey Jude," "Let It Be," and "Hallelujah"...It was one of the happiest moments of my life and such a perfect reminder of how blessed I am. I'm so grateful to have such talented, fun, loving people in my life. I'm grateful for good, lifelong friends like the Stanley's. And especially at this time of year, I'm grateful for a loving Redeemer so that I can enjoy these blessings on Earth with the peace of knowing that I don't have to leave them behind when I leave Earth. 

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope it'll be as happy for you as it has been for me. And if it hasn't been yet, then I invite you to LOOK for the blessings around you; I guarantee you'll find them, and they will make you so, so happy.


  1. I watched the movie you posted on fb of them singing and just loved it. You really do have just the coolest fam. Hoping to see you more in Provo! Merry Christmas!

  2. Beautiful. It is SUCH a blessing that we can learn from all things, isn't it? Merry Christmas - thanks for being such a cute example to me :)